This is the last in my 5 part series on the five secrets of change. If you missed any of the previous four, you can find them here. The fifth and final secret of change is support. This may be the most overlooked element of making successful lasting change. There are several reasons why support is crucial.
Most people immediately jump to accountability and it’s true that building a support system will ensure that someone is holding you accountable to your dreams, your goals and your actions. That’s why you have one on ones with your boss to check in on how projects are progressing and that’s why when you write your senior thesis in school you have to meet with an advisor on a regular basis to ensure you continue to progress and have help or support if you are getting stuck.
It’s also why more and more people are hiring coaches, be it health coaches or life coaches. If someone is checking in on you every week and asking you how it’s going, and you know you’re going to have to tell them how you did, it can help you find motivation to keep at it or to resist giving in to short-term desires in lieu of your longer-term goal.
Plus you get the added benefit of the emotional connection with someone else who understands what you are trying to do and you experience the feeling that you are not in it alone. That’s huge because when you are trying to do new things even if it’s not hard or scary, it’s still new and it takes some time and adjustment to get into new routines. Having someone to talk to about it can ease the transition and make it all happen more smoothly.
Another reason why support is crucial though is that we need to celebrate our successes. Often we’ve been beaten down from our past failures and we may have doubts about succeeding this time. In my course, Finally Make It Happen, we look at how to remove those doubts and instill the belief that you CAN succeed. Having doubt is not unusual and having support to remind you of your motivation and cheer you one way you can begin to remove it.
Most of us focus on failures more than successes, so we remember and attach to the negative moments instead of the positive ones. Having support will ensure that you stop and take the time to celebrate each and every success and build on them over time until celebrating your accomplishments and rewarding your success becomes a new way of life.
Study after study has shown that people succeed at a far greater rate if they have support than if they try to go it alone. As I shared in a previous article, I teach in a lot of gyms and I see the fallout rate of new members who join and are gone a few weeks later. Studies have shown that people who join a gym with a buddy are much more likely to still be members a year later. Even if you don’t exercise together or aren’t even at the gym at the same time, signing up with someone else and knowing they’ll ask you if you’ve gone or you have someone to talk to about how it’s going makes you much more likely to stick with it.
A powerful study looked at heart patients who had had a heart attack and were in serious danger of having another potentially fatal attack if they did not make some basic lifestyle changes. One group received a support system, the other did not. In the group that did not, 9 out of 10 patients could not make the basic changes required, even though their lives were at stake.
Often we know exactly what we need to do but we still don’t do it. They say people will continue to make the same choices until the pain of making them finally outweighs the pain of change. But in that study, lives were at stake and people still could not make the changes on their own. Humans are wired for inter-connectivity, companionship and support. If you’re trying to make new habits or reach a big goal, support is absolutely critical for success.
In my course, Finally Make It Happen, I teach you how to create a support system to build accountability , connection, and to learn to celebrate successes. In addition to showing you how to do it on your own, I’ve created a group forum for connection, support and celebration where you can join with other people working toward similar goals and share challenges, advice, support and share victories.
But you don’t need to take my course to build support. Find someone in your life who wants the best for you and will stand by you no matter what. Enlist them to support you on your journey, to be your buddy to share your challenges and to celebrate your successes. And try using another of the willpower weapons you’ll learn about in my course, the If/Then technique.
If/then is a process you can use when you feel tempted to do or not do something that you know is not in your best interest. For example, when you walk by the shoe sale and see another pair of black pumps that look so good even though you are trying to save for your dream vacation… or you come home from work after a tough day and open the freezer and see the ice cream staring back at you.
If that happens, then you plan in advance for what you will do. So if that happens, then I will…. And you create a strategy to employ in that moment. If I am tempted to spend money I will take a deep breath and count to ten and see myself on the beach in Tahiti. If I am tempted to open the ice cream then I will close the freezer door and take a 10 minute walk first.
But my favorite then of all is one that aligns perfectly with change secret #5: support. If I am tempted then I will call my buddy and talk to her first. She will remind me of what I am trying to do, what I am working toward and support me in making a different choice.
So there you have it! Five secrets of change that will help you to Finally Make It Happen, no matter what you “it.” If you want to learn more about my program, you can visit my website at ingerpols.com and if you join my mailing list, you’ll receive a free gift and information on the course release. But whether you choose to learn more or not, you can take these five secrets and apply them to any process, program, diet or plan and improve your results dramatically.
Now that you know how to outsmart your brain: just take small effortless steps that work for YOU at the rate or pace that is right for you. Oh and don’t forget to Get support and celebrate your successes along the way!
Lasting change IS possible. I’ve done it, my clients have done it and so can you. Isn’t it time to Finally Make it Happen?
To your wellness and health: your true wealth!
Inger
Author: Inger Pols is the Editor of the New England Health Advisory and Author/Creator, Finally Make It Happen, the proven process to get what you want. Get a free special report on The Truth About Sugar: It’s Not All Equal. Learn more about Inger and receive her free bestselling ebook What Your Doctor Isn’t Telling You at www.ingerpols.com/freegifts
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